God Is Not As Interesting As My I-Phone or Harry Potter
By Bill Barnwell
Brown City Youth Camp 2007
Sarah (energetic but in trancelike state): Wow, I am soooo tired but so happy right now.
Brandon: Whoa, you don’t look very good, what’s wrong?
Sarah: I have been up for the last 6 straight days reading the new Harry Potter book, “Deathly Hallows”, and all the other Harry Potter books before that. I haven’t slept or eaten all week. The week before that, I stood in line for 84 hours to get the new book right when it came out. Since then all I’ve done…is read Harry Potter.
Jim: Whoa you brought the new Harry Potter book? Do you have it with you? Hey everyone, Sarah has the new Harry Potter book! (extreme pandemonium with group)
Kelly: Did you read the ending? Does Harry live?
Chris: Whatever happens to the Elder Wand? Does Harry lose the power of the wand?
Jenny: What about the Resurrection Stone? Does anybody find it in the Forbidden Forest?
Jim: Hey, wait a minute, don’t give away the ending…(mesmerized and tranquil) I want to experience the greatness of Harry Potter myself.
Kelly: I’ve memorized the entire first 55 pages of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. If I keep working at it, I can memorize every word of the first book by the end of the year.
Chris: Yes, I memorize passages from Harry Potter too. Quoting Harry Potter helps get me through the difficult times in life. It gives me hope to press on and keep going.
Jim: (to Sarah): Can I please just touch the Harry Potter book? Please? I want to feel its power!
By Bill Barnwell
Brown City Youth Camp 2007
Sarah (energetic but in trancelike state): Wow, I am soooo tired but so happy right now.
Brandon: Whoa, you don’t look very good, what’s wrong?
Sarah: I have been up for the last 6 straight days reading the new Harry Potter book, “Deathly Hallows”, and all the other Harry Potter books before that. I haven’t slept or eaten all week. The week before that, I stood in line for 84 hours to get the new book right when it came out. Since then all I’ve done…is read Harry Potter.
Jim: Whoa you brought the new Harry Potter book? Do you have it with you? Hey everyone, Sarah has the new Harry Potter book! (extreme pandemonium with group)
Kelly: Did you read the ending? Does Harry live?
Chris: Whatever happens to the Elder Wand? Does Harry lose the power of the wand?
Jenny: What about the Resurrection Stone? Does anybody find it in the Forbidden Forest?
Jim: Hey, wait a minute, don’t give away the ending…(mesmerized and tranquil) I want to experience the greatness of Harry Potter myself.
Kelly: I’ve memorized the entire first 55 pages of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. If I keep working at it, I can memorize every word of the first book by the end of the year.
Chris: Yes, I memorize passages from Harry Potter too. Quoting Harry Potter helps get me through the difficult times in life. It gives me hope to press on and keep going.
Jim: (to Sarah): Can I please just touch the Harry Potter book? Please? I want to feel its power!
Jenny: Hey, didn’t our youth pastor say something about reading and memorizing some other book too? (crowd confused and hushed, discuss amongst themselves “Another book? Huh? What other book?”)
Brandon: But what other book could be as powerful, interesting, and inspiring as Harry Potter?
Sarah: How does he expect us to read another book? Who has time for other books between Harry Potter and playing around on the Internet? (crowd agrees).
Christina: I think it was some other book called, “The Bibel” or something like that.
Jim: Yes, I believe I’ve heard of this…Bibel. It’s about a God-man named Jesus who does magic, and then he uh, finds the Resurrection Stone and tells his Father to raise him from the dead after he dies. And if we believe in Jesus, we will get to wear the Cloak of Invincibility for eternity. Or something like that. (everyone collectively banters saying things like “oh yeah that’s right” “I remember now kinda”)
Pastor Tim (enters from outside): What are you guys talking about? It’s called the Bible, and Jesus is the Son of God in the flesh who died on the cross for our sins so we could have eternal life. He’s also the reason all of you are at youth group. Remember now? (crowd pauses and then lets out a collective “ooohhhh.”)
Cindy: But Pastor Tim, is the Bible really as good as Harry Potter though?
Pastor Tim: The Bible is awesome guys. It’s got adventure, love, romance, betrayal, and tons and tons of wisdom and instruction. Don’t you remember some of the great verses I’ve taught you? Come on let’s recite some of them. Let’s start with Ephesians 2:8-9!….(everyone just looks blank and quiet). OK, how about…John 14:6! (same response). OK, uh, John 3:16…Genesis 1:1??? (still nothing).
Christina: This is boring, when are we going to play a game? (everyone agrees).
Kelly: Can we at least like have some music or something? Music is cool.
Pastor Tim: Yeah, sure, we can do music. How about some Hillsong United? Or maybe some classic Third Day? (everyone lets out a disappointed groan).
Sarah: Those groups are stupid. Let’s play some Fall Out Boy! (everyone cheers).
Pastor Tim: Ok, fine, you guys don’t know the new stuff yet. How about a classic. Come on, everybody knows “Amazing Grace,” let’s sing that one! Ready?! (begins to sing by himself).
Jenny: I don’t know that song. But I do know the words to empowering and inspiring songs like this one, (begins to sing lyrics to ridiculous and vulgar song) “I'm not here for your entertainment/You don't really want to mess with me tonight/Just stop and take a second…”
Pastor Tim: (cuts her off) That’s OK, Jenny, we’ll pass on that one.
Jenny: But that song is sooooo cool, every girl loves it! The last part goes, “It’s just you and your…”
Pastor Tim: No thank you Jenny! That song is really inappropriate by the way. How come you guys are able to memorize all the lyrics to these raunchy songs, but you don’t even know the lyrics to any Christian music from church or the radio?
Chris: (aside to his friend) Man, Pastor Tim is real a jerk. He needs to stop making us think and stuff.
Pastor Tim: OK, OK, obviously you guys aren’t too motivated to talk about the Bible or sing any Christian songs. So, why don’t we do this, why don’t you guys go around and tell me some things you are excited about and some things you are thankful to God about. I’ll start. I’m thankful for salvation and that Jesus died for us. Isn’t that cool? (no response from the group) OK, your guys’ turn.
Christina: I’m thankful for my new I-Phone that my parents got me. You guys should totally see this thing. It can do everything (Crowd again worked up into a pandemonium).
Sarah: Wow, you got an I-Phone!? That’s so awesome!
Christina: Yeah, it’s great. My I-Phone can even bomb Canada. You can do anything with these things!
Brandon: I heard that the I-Phone is all-powerful and all-knowing!
Jim: Can I just once again…touch the I-Phone...and feel it’s power. (touches phone)
Kelly: Let us worship the I-Phone, the computer, the products, and celebrities that give our lives true meaning! Come on everybody, let’s sing! We wanna see I-Phones lifted high/a product that sells across this land/that consumers might buy and know/it is the way to heaven/We wanna see (clap, clap, clap). We wanna see (clap, clap, clap).
Pastor Tim: Guys, guys, what is wrong here?! The I-Phone and all these other things are not your Saviors!
Crowd: Hey, how come you never want us to have fun!
Cindy: Yeah, what do you have against the I-Phone and reading other books?
Pastor Tim: Nothing! Look, don’t get me wrong. I love to read fiction books and magazines. I like some songs on the radio as long as they aren’t dishonoring to God. I like my cell phone and I think the Internet is great. But these toys shouldn’t be taking up all our time and replacing our relationship with God! And forget these celebrities, we need Godly people with morals and integrity to be our role models.
Jenny (totally serious): You mean like….Lindsay Lohan?
Pastor Tim: No, not like Lindsay Lohan! Ugh, don’t any of you get it after all these years?
Chris: So you’re saying following Jesus is even more fulfilling than all these things, and that we can still have fun as Christians if we have the right priorities?
Pastor Tim: Yes, if you’d just give it a chance.
Jim: Sorry Pastor Tim, I don’t have time for all that, I have to go finish the Harry Potter series (he exits).
Brandon: And I have to go spend the next nine hours on Myspace leaving all my friends comments so they’ll leave me comments back on my site. That way I can feel cool and popular. (he exits along with half of the group, the other half stays).
Cindy: I think you’re right Pastor Tim. You’re right I have been putting everything else before God. I guess I really do have time for Him, I’m just always making excuses.
Kelly: Yeah, I want to stay too. I’ll actually listen this time instead of writing notes so I can learn something.
Pastor Tim: OK, I’ll tell you what, let’s open up in prayer and ask God to be with us today (they all bow in prayer and after a moment everyone exists offstage).
Brandon: But what other book could be as powerful, interesting, and inspiring as Harry Potter?
Sarah: How does he expect us to read another book? Who has time for other books between Harry Potter and playing around on the Internet? (crowd agrees).
Christina: I think it was some other book called, “The Bibel” or something like that.
Jim: Yes, I believe I’ve heard of this…Bibel. It’s about a God-man named Jesus who does magic, and then he uh, finds the Resurrection Stone and tells his Father to raise him from the dead after he dies. And if we believe in Jesus, we will get to wear the Cloak of Invincibility for eternity. Or something like that. (everyone collectively banters saying things like “oh yeah that’s right” “I remember now kinda”)
Pastor Tim (enters from outside): What are you guys talking about? It’s called the Bible, and Jesus is the Son of God in the flesh who died on the cross for our sins so we could have eternal life. He’s also the reason all of you are at youth group. Remember now? (crowd pauses and then lets out a collective “ooohhhh.”)
Cindy: But Pastor Tim, is the Bible really as good as Harry Potter though?
Pastor Tim: The Bible is awesome guys. It’s got adventure, love, romance, betrayal, and tons and tons of wisdom and instruction. Don’t you remember some of the great verses I’ve taught you? Come on let’s recite some of them. Let’s start with Ephesians 2:8-9!….(everyone just looks blank and quiet). OK, how about…John 14:6! (same response). OK, uh, John 3:16…Genesis 1:1??? (still nothing).
Christina: This is boring, when are we going to play a game? (everyone agrees).
Kelly: Can we at least like have some music or something? Music is cool.
Pastor Tim: Yeah, sure, we can do music. How about some Hillsong United? Or maybe some classic Third Day? (everyone lets out a disappointed groan).
Sarah: Those groups are stupid. Let’s play some Fall Out Boy! (everyone cheers).
Pastor Tim: Ok, fine, you guys don’t know the new stuff yet. How about a classic. Come on, everybody knows “Amazing Grace,” let’s sing that one! Ready?! (begins to sing by himself).
Jenny: I don’t know that song. But I do know the words to empowering and inspiring songs like this one, (begins to sing lyrics to ridiculous and vulgar song) “I'm not here for your entertainment/You don't really want to mess with me tonight/Just stop and take a second…”
Pastor Tim: (cuts her off) That’s OK, Jenny, we’ll pass on that one.
Jenny: But that song is sooooo cool, every girl loves it! The last part goes, “It’s just you and your…”
Pastor Tim: No thank you Jenny! That song is really inappropriate by the way. How come you guys are able to memorize all the lyrics to these raunchy songs, but you don’t even know the lyrics to any Christian music from church or the radio?
Chris: (aside to his friend) Man, Pastor Tim is real a jerk. He needs to stop making us think and stuff.
Pastor Tim: OK, OK, obviously you guys aren’t too motivated to talk about the Bible or sing any Christian songs. So, why don’t we do this, why don’t you guys go around and tell me some things you are excited about and some things you are thankful to God about. I’ll start. I’m thankful for salvation and that Jesus died for us. Isn’t that cool? (no response from the group) OK, your guys’ turn.
Christina: I’m thankful for my new I-Phone that my parents got me. You guys should totally see this thing. It can do everything (Crowd again worked up into a pandemonium).
Sarah: Wow, you got an I-Phone!? That’s so awesome!
Christina: Yeah, it’s great. My I-Phone can even bomb Canada. You can do anything with these things!
Brandon: I heard that the I-Phone is all-powerful and all-knowing!
Jim: Can I just once again…touch the I-Phone...and feel it’s power. (touches phone)
Kelly: Let us worship the I-Phone, the computer, the products, and celebrities that give our lives true meaning! Come on everybody, let’s sing! We wanna see I-Phones lifted high/a product that sells across this land/that consumers might buy and know/it is the way to heaven/We wanna see (clap, clap, clap). We wanna see (clap, clap, clap).
Pastor Tim: Guys, guys, what is wrong here?! The I-Phone and all these other things are not your Saviors!
Crowd: Hey, how come you never want us to have fun!
Cindy: Yeah, what do you have against the I-Phone and reading other books?
Pastor Tim: Nothing! Look, don’t get me wrong. I love to read fiction books and magazines. I like some songs on the radio as long as they aren’t dishonoring to God. I like my cell phone and I think the Internet is great. But these toys shouldn’t be taking up all our time and replacing our relationship with God! And forget these celebrities, we need Godly people with morals and integrity to be our role models.
Jenny (totally serious): You mean like….Lindsay Lohan?
Pastor Tim: No, not like Lindsay Lohan! Ugh, don’t any of you get it after all these years?
Chris: So you’re saying following Jesus is even more fulfilling than all these things, and that we can still have fun as Christians if we have the right priorities?
Pastor Tim: Yes, if you’d just give it a chance.
Jim: Sorry Pastor Tim, I don’t have time for all that, I have to go finish the Harry Potter series (he exits).
Brandon: And I have to go spend the next nine hours on Myspace leaving all my friends comments so they’ll leave me comments back on my site. That way I can feel cool and popular. (he exits along with half of the group, the other half stays).
Cindy: I think you’re right Pastor Tim. You’re right I have been putting everything else before God. I guess I really do have time for Him, I’m just always making excuses.
Kelly: Yeah, I want to stay too. I’ll actually listen this time instead of writing notes so I can learn something.
Pastor Tim: OK, I’ll tell you what, let’s open up in prayer and ask God to be with us today (they all bow in prayer and after a moment everyone exists offstage).
THE END
*Pastor Tim represents how I feel on a fairly regular basis. The kids' attitudes are only a slightly exaggerated version of what I encounter with people week after week. It begins to catch up with you after awhile.
9 comments:
Bill, do you think the kids might have responded differently to the pastor in the play if he'd launched immediately into fiery oratory (with the first few words SHOUTED, to shake them out of their collective trance)? If he'd riveted a few individuals with his eyes as he made some of his key points? If he'd saved the Jesus-died-for-you-and-isn't-that-great routine for the end of the session, after the younguns had received a good dose of Christian intellectual precision combined with passion? I think he would have, especially if he employed a harrowing tale (fictional or historical) to illustrate one or more Biblical virtues. I know of no other way to break a modern audience of its short attention span. Probably you've done this or seen it done. What do you think?
so, a bit over the top, but still, unfortunately, also a bit convicting.
on an unrelated note: hey, bill, wanna check out my new blog site? it's the bomb! i've spent the last 100 hours straight getting it up and running!
Excerpt from the post:
----------------------
Jenny: But that song is sooooo cool, every girl loves it! The last part goes, “It’s just you and your…”
Pastor Tim: No thank you Jenny! That song is really inappropriate by the way. How come you guys are able to memorize all the lyrics to these raunchy songs, but you don’t even know the lyrics to any Christian music from church or the radio?
--------------------
I note that Jenny never answers Pastor Tim's question. He ought to have pressed her for one. Assuming her response would not be utter cretinism (a distinct possibility), it might have been something along the lines of:
(1) "I listen to that kind of music because I like how it makes me feel."
This is the most probable answer. To be fair, it's the major reason why we all listen to our favorite forms of music. The follow up question should be, how does it make Jenny feel: Raunchy? Needed? Loved? Mischievous? Proceed to next question: WHY do you like to feel that way, Jenny? That could provoke some thoughtfulness on her part.
(2) "Christian music is boring." It's essential to understand why she finds it so. Are her cultural tastes dulled by a musical diet of 100% pop music performed by talentless hacks? Is the Christian music favored by Pastor Tim bland and uninspired? Are its lyrics childish and repetitive? Assuming the Christian music and the lyrics are sublime, beautiful and doctrinally sound, is Jenny intellectually capable of valuing them? In other words, does her mind need more training before she can perceive what it has to offer? If the King James Bible is gibberish to her, forget the profounder hymns. She hasn't even the vocabulary to appreciate them.
(3) "All my friends listen to this kind of music."
Which suggests the follow up question: Okay, but why do YOU listen to it, Jenny? See (1) above.
(4) "I don't know."
A senseless and depressingly likely answer. But on further questioning this will probably turn out to be (2) or (3). Maybe even (1) if the girl actively dislikes the music favored by Pastor Tim but doesn't want to argue about it.
Oops! Correction on Option 4:
4) "I don't know."
A senseless and depressingly likely answer. But on further questioning this will probably turn out to be (1) or (3). Maybe even (2) if the girl actively dislikes the music favored by Pastor Tim but doesn't want to argue about it.
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